Still

Hi all, I believe this couple of weeks / months ahead of us will be the most challenging time of our lives. I just needed to share this with all of you with a hope that we’ll be prepared to arm ourselves with God’s armor to face what’s ahead of us. 

I’ve been challenged by so many events in my life this lately. And I tot of sharing my personal testimony here as most of you don’t really know about me. 
Well, I’m the only Christian in my family. Not only that, my grandma owns a temple at Jalan bukit. She has been my pillar of support financially for my education ever since I started my Diploma up till today. Cuz my mum’s business isn’t doing really well since last yr. So yeah.. I believe everything happens for a reason. My dad isn’t working and stuff too so I’ve been striving really hard to make sure I don’t mess things up especially with my studies.

My grandma found out that I’ve been going to church (I’ve been keeping this from her years because I don’t want to cause havoc in my fam, been trying to keep everything as low profile as possible. When I first accepted Christ my dad and everyone at home were against me but somehow God softened up their hearts. Both my mum and dad have been keeping this from my grandma) But God somehow made it possible for grandmama to know about this..

What really surprised me over the years was 2 of my nephews (twin bro) under her care in the temple were sent to our church very tadika few yrs back. Somehow, she knws I’ve been attending kaog. Not sure how but somehow she knows about it.
She never questions me but each time I visit her she asks me to not go to church and I merely kept quiet. I needed to complete my studies badly and be freed from such misery really. But whatever it is, I’ll respect their(my fam) beliefs. I won’t comment instead I’ll keep praying for them and believe that good things are going to happen someday.

Recently, I’ve shifted to setapak and stayed there for close to 2 months due to my hectic schedule (Started my advance diploma, had running practices and club meetings in the evening till late at night) Well honestly, I made this decision to stay outside because I was tired.. both mentally& physically.. didn’t wanna face all the issues i’ve been battling with. I wanted to be away from home, wanted to avoid everything. I know it was a selfish decision I’ve made but after my running event was over…

I prayed a prayer to God.. i said u’ve made it possible for me to get 5th placing facing the giants during my running event so yeah.. ask for anything and I’ll do it. I was asked to shift back to my home. I didn’t prolong that. Everything went smoothly. I found replacement for the room i’ve been renting in just a day. I shifted everything back to my home in just 2 days. Everything was made possible. 

I’m tired of running away.. God wanted me to be with my family even if I can’t be of much help. 

My grandma threatened me few weeks back.. she said she has someone to observe me in our church (im not sure who). My common sense tells me that she’s just merely threatening me I’m sure nobody is there to watch over my every movement. I’m coming back to church for real. Not all up to cause any havoc or trouble at home.. Will just tell my dad that I’m going out with a friend of mine every saturday. 

Life is a struggle, life is challenging. My studies’ in a mess after my running events. Advance diploma is tough but I’m not giving up. I struggle with financial issues, with the persecutions back at home.. now my dad isn’t siding me any longer. He updates my grandma about me going to church about me wearing a cross necklace and stuff. I’ve been put into a very difficult situation.. At some point I doubted God I don’t understand his ways and why I’m being put into a situation like this..

Away from God, I realized it’s even worse.. He came into my life, gave me the joy, peace and strength I needed.. There’s no word to describe all these feelings. But I know I needed all these elements to face this life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for Jesus.

Jesus never fails to pick me up. I’m not perfect and I do realize that I need a complete perfectionist to lead me and guide me through this journey of life. Just wanted to share this with all of you because I felt led to do this.. This coming days, weeks and months ahead of us will be the most challenging time of our lives.. 
I’m sensing that the big D is not happy and he’s trying to put us into difficult situations in order to make us doubt Jesus’ ability. I’ve been challenged, and I must admit that I fell into his very trap. Jesus however, died and rose victoriously. I am bold enough to tell u that I’ve fallen for his trap and I’ve walked out of it. 
Truly, it is in the midst of uncertainties, in the midst of darkness, that we’ll see God’s very light shinning down on us. He’ll lead us and direct us, walk us through this difficult walk. 

It’s okay to not be okay because God will make it all okay. Don’t believe the devil’s lies.. he is a poisonous, smart and deceitful one he knows how to set traps and lead us into it. He is capable of all this because he has lived long enough to know what we don’t know. Let’s continue to be prayerful, continue to read his word.. 
When we learn to know his ways, we will know his will for us in our lives. How do we know that? By reading the word of God. 

Truly, His ways far exceed our ways. 
I’m letting go of the wheel i’ve been trying so hard to steer and letting him lead. I can’t run this life on my own. None of us can, except for him. So are you letting it go or are you still trying hard to control your wheel of life?
Let’s arm ourselves with his armour and robe ourselves with his robe of righteousness. 

Never ever give up on God because he never gave up on mankind. He demonstrated his love when he sent Jesus, his one and only son to die for each and every one of us. 
I’m back for real. 

I call ‘running away from problems’ quit.. call it quit because nobody can ever run away from probbies. You either face them boldly with God or drown yourself with pain, disappointment and frustration. 
I’ve been drowned by those. I know how it feels like. Learn to let Go and let God lead!
Don’t stop believing in Jesus. He’s our only answer to everything. 

Still- Hillsong